NATURE CHANNEL VOICEOVER: THE MUSTANGS vs. THE WOODLAND KNIGHTS

Look, we’ve reached that point in the season where we have to talk about Orang— wait.. (checks schedule), Gilmour Academy... again. (sigh) 

They’re the Lancers! It’s a very prestigious name that implies they should be galloping through a meadow while someone plays a lute. In reality, it just means they’re coming into our barn with shiny helmets and a "refined" strategy that likely involves a lot of polite passing.

Then there’s Nathan “Honey Badger” Novick. 🦡

If you haven’t watched Nate play yet, it’s like watching a focused, high-speed collision that somehow learned how to ice skate. As a freshman, most kids are still trying to figure out the speed of the game. Nate decided the speed of the game wasn't fast enough, so he added his own. He plays with a level of focus that borders on the supernatural and a disregard for his own personal space that makes you wonder if he’s actually made of rubber. Nate tends to look for the largest pile of humans on the ice and decides that’s exactly where he needs to be. Immediately.

The "Honey Badger" doesn't have a temper, he’s actually quite calm, which is the scary part. It’s the kind of calm you see in a guy who’s about to hit a "no-look" clip in a 1v4 clutch on Warzone. He treats a three-player, cage-rattling scrum like he’s just sitting on the couch scrolling through his FYP, completely unbothered by the noise, the sticks, or the 200lb defenseman trying to move him.

Gilmour is bringing their structure. They’re bringing their "noble" pedigree. We’re bringing a freshman who treats personal space as a theoretical concept, and in the words of the legendary nature documentary: The Honey Badger just doesn't care. It takes what it wants, and tonight, it wants the puck.

THE INTEL:

OPPONENT: Gilmour Academy (The Fancy Helmet Club)

DATE: Tonight, Friday, Jan 30

PUCK DROP: 8:00 PM

LOCATION: Brunswick Auto Mart Arena

Come out tonight. Watch the Lancers try to play "strategic hockey" while the Honey Badger systematically deconstructs their sense of peace and quiet. It’s going to be a smashing good time. 🐴💚⚔️

#MustangsHockey #HoneyBadger #FreshmanFever