The Battle of the Slobber: Mustangs vs. Bulldogs

Listen, we’re heading to Brooklyn tonight to deal with Olmsted Falls. It’s a matchup that’s become a bit of a seasonal tradition, like a recurring rash or that one neighbor who leaves their holiday lights up until April.

Olmsted Falls brings the Bulldogs, a breed known primarily for breathing heavily while sitting still and being the face of cheezy TV commercials. While they’re wandering around the neutral zone looking for a lost chew toy or a comfortable spot for a mid-period nap, our Mustangs are busy prepping for the big stage.

Think of it this way: The Bulldogs are the dogs you see in the "Lost" posters; our Mustangs are the Clydesdales getting fitted for their Budweiser Super Bowl commercials next week. We aren't just here to play hockey; we’re here to look majestic, light the lamp, and strike a pose while they’re still trying to figure out that tricky penalty box door latch.

Is this a preview of a Baron Cup showdown? Maybe. But tonight isn't about that hunt; it's about establishing the pecking order. Or the galloping order. Whatever. Just get to Brooklyn (the Ohio one, calm down).

The Janitorial Services of Christopher Hess 🧹

If you haven’t had the pleasure of watching Christopher Hess work yet, it’s less like watching a freshman defenseman and more like watching a high-end data recovery specialist.

He’s earned the moniker "The Broom," but don't think "kitchen pantry." Think "industrial-strength street sweeper." Hess treats the defensive zone like a private gallery where "clutter" is a federal offense. A Bulldog manages to poke a puck toward the net? Zip. Swept. A forward thinks they’ve got a clear lane? Hess arrives with the speed of a parent who just heard a glass break in the other room.

He plays with a level of "get off my lawn" energy that is frankly disrespectful for a freshman, and we are absolutely here for it. Watch #18 tonight, he’ll be the one making sure the Bulldogs stay on their side of the fence.

THE LOGISTICS

Target: Olmsted Falls (The Navy Blue Droolers)

Coordinates: John M. Coyne Rec Cener (Brooklyn—set your GPS or follow the scent of wet dog)

Puck Drop: 4:15 PM (Prime "I should be napping" hours)

Final Warning: If the game gets too intense, we might just throw a tennis ball into the stands to see if the Bulldogs’ defense follows it. It’s worth a shot.

🏒🐴💚 #MustangsHockey #TheBroom #ClydesdaleStuntin #PardonOurDust